i posted this in 2004 or 2005 but here it goes again

I've learned -that you cannot make someone love you.All you can do is be someone who can be loved.The rest is up to them.

I've learned -that no matter how much I care,some people just don't care back.

I've learned -that it takes years to build up trust,and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -that it's not what you have in your lifebut who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.After that, you'd better know something

I've learned -that you shouldn't compareyourself to the best others can dobut to the best you can do.

I've learned -that it's not what happens to peoplethat's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -that you can do something in an instantthat will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -that no matter how thin you slice it,there are always two sides.

I've learned -that it's taking me a long timeto become the person I want to be.

I've learned -that it's a lot easierto react than it is to think.

I've learned -that you should always leaveloved ones with loving words.It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -that you can keep goinglong after you think you can't.

I've learned -that we are responsible for what we do,no matter how we feel.

I've learned -that either you control your attitudeor it controls you.

I've learned -that regardless of how hot and steamya relationship is at first,the passion fades and there had better besomething else to take its place.

I've learned -that heroes are the peoplewho do what has to be donewhen it needs to be done,regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned-that it's not who is saying itbut what is said that's important

I've learned -that there are people who love you dearly,but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,but that doesn't give methe right to be cruel.

I've learned -that true friendship continues to grow,even over the longest distance.Same goes for true love.

I've learned -that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from the mand less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned -that your family won't always be there for you.It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.Families aren't biological.

I've learned -that no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.you have to forgive yourself

I've learned -that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,but we are responsible for who we become

I've learned -that sometimes when my friends fight,I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned -that just because two people argue,it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue,it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.It could change your life forever

I've learned -that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned -that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned -that no matter the consequences,those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

I've learned -that no matter how many friends you have,if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -that the truth and only all truth is reality.

I've learned -that when you say only a part of it but not all you can't call it the truth.

I've learned -that even when you think you have no more to give,when a friend cries out to you,you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -that its better to admit if you don't know it rather than keeping quiet,as the price you will pay is not comparable.

I've learned-that not knowing isn't a weakness but pretending to know when you don't is.

I've learned-that you must always know how to keep your priority right.

I've learned-that its better for you to get the blame and to get hurt, rather than letting your kids to know the truth.Your kids future and well being must always be your first priority.

I've learned-that always first you must respect yourself than expect for others to respect you.Same goes for trust and believe.

I've learned-that there are times in your life that if you don't grab it, you never can.

I've learned-that you must always be ready to act in an instant as otherwise you will not ever have a chance to do so, or even if you have, its to late,and its none but only you to blame.

I've learned-that if you only could see and feel the pain one lady goes trough to give birth,than you love, respect and admire all woman.

I've learned -that writing, as well as talking,can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.'

I've learned -that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -that although the word 'love'can have many different meanings,it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe

I've learned-that lemonade tastes best on a hot, summer day

I've learned-that it truly is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all

AND I'VE LEARNED THAT I LEARNED A LOT TODAY!

I looked at you with such marvel, dreaming of your touch, longing to hear you talk
I doubt if you would ever talk to me,
But I know you do listen to me.
You watched me grow up to be who I am today
You watched me weep those lonely tears.
Never once you betrayed me
Never once you fooled me

You stood there tall, doing your duties
But thru my drape I see you peep
When the breeze blew on my face today
I knew you sent your kisses and your hugs
I felt like embracing you today
I felt like having you in my arms tonight
For no one deserves my sincere love
No one but you my shining star

Now your wondering why I dint come
Let me tell you the story another day
But I stood at my window staring at you
But you were enthralled by someone else
I know the lake is really lovely
I know others love you just as much
But please look at me fully tonight
Cause im telling you a story no one has known

So good nite my bestfriend, my love so true
I wished I was a star right next to you
Although you’re that far, yet close to me
My love for you is unconditional and free


Ahh, can’t believe I got thiiiis vulnerable when I saw the moon. I love the moon. And I think the moon loves me too.
No one could appreciate the moon better than me..i call him Chandamama. Or I call him jaan. And sometimes I call him baby. Depends on my mood.

You know its rather hurting that he comes visiting only maybe for a week in a month. But his presence there is much more than I could ask for.

The sky is lovely, sprinkled with stars. But without my moon, (yes, he’s mine) it’s never complete. When he’s there, all I would say is …PERFECT!...


Nota bena : the above is not a poem or anywhere near mine. I cant find words to describe how much I feel for the moon. So it’s just arbitrary writing. Back to staring at the moon.

Ever had a reoccurring dream? Something you dreamt of over and over again. Many times and yet you can’t figure out why.

I’ve had this dream since twenty four. I was always running in the dream. It’s a lovely place, like suburbs of Italy or France. But it looked like France to me. Somewhere I have been. A very familiar place. And I was sitting and looking at my reflection by a lovely stream. I had flowers in my hands. I see a temple, but not a hindu temple, on a hill. I hear bells. And suddenly, I hear noises. Loud noises. People screaming.

And start running. I don’t know why im running, but I ran. Kept running. And im caught. By people I don’t know. And they slashed my thigh. And I scream in pain. But I kept running. Then they slashed my back. I lose my top and I kept running. I heard people screaming Timbuktu. I kept looking around to see who was screaming and no one was around. But I kept hearing it over and over again.

Then suddenly a hand appears, I hear the voice. A male. He said “ hold me” and I grab his hand and kept running. I cant see his face but I kept screaming at him saying Yamataka (not yamakata). I kept saying that over and over again, screaming. And I always wake up at this point.

I had this dream yesterday for the 8th time. I really cant figure out what it means. But its scary. i always wake up sweating, as if I have really had this huge run. I know its weird. But if anyone really knows how to interpret this dream, please let me know.

Have a good day, till then

There’s a few things that most people need to know about me. Unlike other girls who get flattered by gifts, roses and chocolates, I get flattered by manners. Being clean on the dining table, no foul words, and being himself would be rather flattering.

I don’t put the toilet seat down. Don’t even ask why I actually lift it up. I actually realized this in Malaysia when my mom kept complaining that I do not switch off the lights and do not put the toilet lid down. I started laughing. Maybe because we have a common toilet here. Maybe it just became a habit. Funny thought

And I do accept gifts from very limited people. I remember one Pakistani guy who was crazy over me (not showing off). He was really good looking; green eyes (so do the math) and he called me over for Eid celebration. Everyone knows I don’t go anywhere alone until unless im really down or frustrated so I dragged Mohan along. When we went there, I saw this huge bouquet of roses on the table. I pretended, ate, talked and was about to leave. Then he took the bouquet and gave it to me. Without thinking I said no its ok. He was offended of course. The bouquet must have costed him around 2000 rubles, it was so big I don’t think I would be able to see my face while carrying it, you get what I mean. Huge. But I said no. Because, if I would have taken it from him, I’ll be sending a different message to him. So I dint want that. Killed our friendship after that. cute


I do take gifts from people I really care about. But I never ask. Cause I know if I want it, all I have to do is ask my parents and I’ll have it. But, if someone gives it to me, and I take it with a huge smile, it means I like you, or I adore you, or I respect you, or I love you

I mentioned earlier that I appreciate everything in life. the small things, the huge things. People used to say that im a garbage bin, collecting things which were mere rubbish to people. Like maybe I would have flicked someone’s photo or photos while being around them, or took the movie tickets we saw together, or a parking ticket, or a theme park ticket, an empty can of beer, hair from the comb, sweet wrappers, a pen used by this particular person. You know, rubbish from the car, things that dint really matter. Handkerchief. A straw. A broken nail. Weird things

I collect them because they harbor memories. Everything I have around me, has a story. Like I have a whole vase of dried flowers and I know till today which one was given by whom. And it’s been there for the past 5 years.

I love daisies suddenly. I still put roses my number one. But daisies are such happy flowers, like gerberas. The thicker ones last longer, maybe a week, the local ones, the one that grows roadside here, and lasts for a day.

I went flower picking today. I love flowers. Certain flowers. Like I said roses, or daisies or gerberas. But right now in my vase, stands 3 huge Russian chrysanthemums’ dried and well, dead.

I read a phrase today.


Woman would make a good wife if she were a maid in day time and a whore at night.
– Shanaz Haque

I would love to correct that line. A woman would make a good wife is she were a maid in day time and better than a whore at night?

Sad but true. Two ways to hold a man forever would be thru his stomach and thru his bedtime stories. You get what I mean.

Love on the other hand is a just a license to have sex. Maybe. Gone are the days of Romeo and Juliet. Waiting for each other so sincerely, without glancing at another beautiful god’s creation. But heck, we don’t even know if Romeo was a virgin before he met Juliet. Ah, more questions

Read Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. Worth reading. This paragraph is cute but you need to read it to understand the story

‘Why did you want apple cheeks?’ ‘I didn’t want apple cheeks,’ Orr said. ‘I wanted big cheeks. I didn’t care about the color so much, but I wanted them big. I worked at it just like one of those crazy guys you read about who go around squeezing rubber balls all day long just to strengthen their hands. In fact, I was one of those crazy guys. I used to walk around all day with rubber balls in my hands, too.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Why what?’ ‘Why did you walk around all day with rubber balls in your hands?’ ‘Because rubber balls—’ said Orr. ‘—are better than crab apples?’ Orr sniggered as he shook his head. ‘I did it to protect my good reputation in case anyone ever caught me walking around with crab apples in my cheeks. With rubber balls in my hands I could deny there were crab apples in my cheeks. Every time someone asked me why I was walking around with crab apples in my cheeks, I’d just open my hands and show them it was rubber balls I was walking around with, not crab apples, and that they were in my hands, not my cheeks. It was a good story. But I never knew if it got across or not, since it’s pretty tough to make people understand you when you’re talking to them with two crab apples in your cheeks.’ Yossarian found it pretty tough to understand him then, and he wondered once again if Orr wasn’t talking to him with the tip of his tongue in one of his apple cheeks.

Another recommended book is the prophet by Khalil Gibran. When asked what’s love, this is what was mentioned

When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God." And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

The book is downloadable in MIRC. Get into any random servers and log on to #bookz. I got a copy from there.

Im still reading the prince by nicolo Machiavelli. I’ll comment after reading it.

Well then, im going to close today’s post with a random quote.


We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
–W. Somerset Maugham
Till then, ponder upon the words above while I try to, well, find my identity or maybe have my HARD boiled egg

cant help posting this either. my all time favourite..one of it is from staind. all the time when im down this song plays in my head. perfect. so far away

So Far Away Lyrics » Staind
this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings
i've sharedand these are my dreamsthat
i'd never lived before

somebody shake me'cause ii must be sleeping[chorus

now that we're here,it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,one life contained
they all finally start to go away

now that we're here its so far awayand i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

these are my wordsthat i've never said before
i think i'm doing okayand this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody shake me 'cause ii must be sleeping

[chorus]i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of waking
please don't shake me

this is one superb song from the movie deepavali..in case u watch tamil movies... read the words


Pogadhe pogadhe nee irrunthaal naan irrupen
pogadhe pogadhe nee pirinthaal naan irrapen
Unnoda vaalntha kaalangal yaavum kanavai ennai mooduthadi
yaar endru neeyum enna paarkum pothu uyrai uyire poguthadi
Kalaraiyil kuda jannal ondru vaithu undhan mugham paarpenadi

Pogadhe pogadhe nee irrunthaal naan irrupen pogadhe pogadhe nee pirinthaal naan irrapen Kalainthalum megham athu meendhum medhakum
Adhu pola thaaney undhan kadhal ennakum
Nadai padhai vilaka kadhal viluntha uddan nadaipathuku Nerupalum mudiyath amma nineivugalai allipathuku
Unnakaga kathirrupen
oh Uyirodu paarthirrupen
oh Pogadhe pogadhe nee irrunthaal naan irrupen
pogadhe pogadhe nee pirinthaal naan irrapen

Alagana neram adhai neethaan kudduthai
Aliyatha sogam athaiyum nee thaan kudduthai
Kan thoogum neram paarthu kadavul vanthu ponathu pol
Yen vaalvil vanthei aanai yemathru thaangavillaiye
Pennai nee illamal Bhoologam irrutiruthei

Pogadhe pogadhe nee irrunthaal naan irrupen
pogadhe pogadhe nee pirinthaal naan irrapen

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed Him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,"Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life." "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested."Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Jerry said.

Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later,

I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins.

Wanna see my scars?"I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live. "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness? " I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man." I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

i have been missing out alot in malaysia. when i checked the news today i found this story. sick fucking assholes. they shud really find the murderer and send him to me. and i'll slice him layer by layer..shes only 8 for gods sake!

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/9/22/nation/18967906&sec=nation&focus=1

This is really good.
I’ll love my mother til the day I die.

Send it to the kids..... My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!" I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only goanna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I walked out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!" GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

"My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. With all my love to you, Your mother. Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own. Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings peace...




I only wished the mother was able to let the child know the sacrifice of her own eye. That would certainly have helped the child's appreciation and perspective for the special act of love on the mother's part!. How dumb to have remained silent, and have the son/daughter uncover the truth only after her passing, and end up living in regret and guilt for the rest of his/her life!

Cycle of life
Mahalekshmi Selvanathan
23.3.2004

A poem devoted to all children dying of Aids ( i think i wrote this during lectures on immuno) hahaha

A merry face he once owned,
A deep consequential eye he always shown,
Little did he know he’s destiny is gone,
Counting his days to die alone.

His toddler’s legs, his pliable baby arms,
His affectionate face will bring no harm,
To take him and feel him in my palm,
My tears flow, nothings to be done

He doesn’t merit dying this way,
No one will remember the day he sways
Never will he see the happy days,
Leaving me thunderstruck, nothing to say

I really don’t comprehend, the cycle of life,
It wasn’t his blunder,but he pays the fine,
He smiles not knowing, he’s dying inside,
I’ll weep this soreness for the rest of my life

An innocent soul, God’s to grab,
Now he’ll snooze, his eternal nap,
Don’t die on me, not on my lap,
I prefer not to see, while your soul takes rest.

This is perhaps my last entry for the month. I have pending 10 classes for peadriatrics thanks to my knee and I had to come home early last vacation. And yup, I have failed 9 classes out of that for god knows what reason. Wait, I know the reason. But moving on, yes, so I wont be around either on yahoo or friendster or msn. Anything important message me, and again I repeat if its really important message me. I really need to pass my classes to sit for my exam on 29th and failure to do so would cost me a lot, like me having to repeat my semester. So yes, don’t bug me until unless its really important and to certain someone whos reading this blog, its not that im angry, I know what I am doing and im sticking to it. Once done it’s a mistake, repeating it over and over again means you’re a mistake. Till then adious

this is picked from ali bhais testimonial to premila. really funny! ali bhai if ur reading this , i just want you to know that i screamed laughing at 2.35 am! its hilarious man! hilarious!

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends thanher age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and aftermarriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankruptbecause of the n umber of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer but ter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eatingall those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chroniccholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Onlylater do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that sheapplies to cover her

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole ofsouth india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "! walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people youhave in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and"How are you"

13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.


WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras/ Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil WellCompany will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extractcoconutoil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name andsurname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it isfor the Dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wearssilk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.


still laughing so loud! good nite hahahaha cant stop phew...breathe!

My eyes hurts so badly from the night before. Lotsa dirt. You know dust, they tend to get into the eyes. Bad bad dust.

I kept staring at this particular black string on my wrist. Its just a string, tied in one certain temple. But that string, said millions. Said so many things, a reminder of my life. just a string, but it held so many memories just for that day.

Tomorrow is Vinayagar Chathurthi. I remember a very funny story about Lord Ganesha. Something about the moon. Its said to be one day Ganesha was eating non-stop all this sweets offered to him and he was riding his poor mouse on the way back, and he stumbled on a stone. He fell, his stomach burst open. And he collected all the food, tucked it back into his tummy and caught a snake and tied it around his tummy to hold them tight. And the moon, that was watching everything, burst out laughing. Lol. And yeah, so ganesha cursed the moon, that every Vinagagar Chathurti, you shoudnt look at the moon. Hahaha lame I know, but I think I’ll be a good mummy. I got lotsa story to tell my kids, from the magic spoon, to this and to how I met your daddy lol

Today I decided to tell the truth. but the truth was used against me. Maybe that’s why I lie about certain something. But I have made a very strong shield around me. And sometimes, when I get out of the shield, I get really vulnerable. And today was one of the days. I marked tomolo as a new beginning and I really had to tell the truth. and I called and he refused to pick up. Clubbing so as it seems. And that seemed more important. Well, I did pray for a sign. Maybe this is the sign.

My altar is all set up. Today is the beginning. I am a vegetarian. I am going ahead with my life the way it is. I have so much love to offer. My childrens will have it. And I will tell my son why he carries his name. I will tell him all about my life. So that he knows. He needs to know. My husband will know everything before he breathes his last breath. Everything about me.


I have seen things that no one has in their life. Things I have been trying to put behind me. But it still keeps coming back. Haunting me. Things I cant explain. But I have pulled thru this far, so I know I’ll survive a little longer. I always told my friends I wanna live just till forty. And they ask why. Its simple, by 40, I must have shown my husband so much love to last him another 7 generation and by 40 my childrens knows their mother. And by 40 I would have given everyone the best, my parents the gift of being a doctor, my husband the gift of being his husband and my childrens the gift of being their mother. My sisters, for just being there for them, my friends for being their friends for life and my dog for loving her unconditionally. So I have done my part, I have seen enough happiness by then. And 40 is a perfect time to die. Too long is no good. Somehow I do wish this comes true. You know, you never know kids these days. I don’t need to end up in an old folks home. You get me? But off the record I know I am gonna live wayyyy to long!

Was talking to a group of friends today. And I kept talking. Non-stop. And one friend stopped me and asked me if I had something on my head. I was like err nope. And he said, you talk a lot when your messed. Its so easy for my friends to catch it, to understand me. Maybe cause they are around me all the time. We were all talking about out lives in Malaysia. Everybody seemed to have had real good fun. Holidaying. Everyone seemed fresh to endure another long year here. But me, all I said was my holiday? I fell in love..and everyone gave me that wtf look, some surprised and I continued I said..i fell in love with Langkawi. Everyone burst out laughing. Only two people understood me there, two people who knows everything.

I am known as someone who is always bouncing and smilling and when I laugh everyone laughs together, either laughing at me or laughing with me. Either way, they laugh. And im doing everyone wrong by sitting very quiet these days. Kaka and prasant are no more in my hostel, so I am left with just utra. I can go out and make good friends cause I know I am worth it and I make a wonderful friend. But I am too hurt to do so. And friends, somehow are no more important in my life. I don’t have the energy to help anyone rite now. But I keep seeing who my true friends are. I don’t know if they sympathize with me or what. But I get calls asking me if I had my dinner, if I needed notes. I don’t know. maybe they are just being themselves, people whom I have selected to be my friends. I was walking in the university yesterday with utra and I had to stop every 2 second to greet people. Hug them. Say hi. And utra told me that I had the whole country as my friend. I was like maybe, but im selecting a few. Everyone was curious on how im doing. And my dean, when I saw her asked me if I could dance anymore. I was like wtf. I just came back and you’re thinking about dancing.

Well I do dance. Once I was sitting with Mohan in the unit and we had a girls day, so he was the only thorn there, we made him the dj and yeah we swigged the night away. And then mohan spinned this Sukhbir song which was really fast and he said no one could dance to that tune, cause its really fast. And I said, nope, I can do it. And I danced. And everyone sat there wondering how I did that. don’t worry, I was amazed myself. Haha. But I have it in me. Im born with it. My grandma was a great dancer. Paka Punjabi I must say. Sometimes when I dance at home, mom used to tell me how I dance so much like grandma. Well, I dance. And I am going to complete my Salsa class before I graduate. That’s for sure.

My friends can be murderers, can be anything, but I have somehow changed them for the better. I have that in me. And people around me knows that too. So when im broken, they get so broken, and I really don’t like that. I need to be happy, at least for them. Soon will be, maybe all I need is a game of bowling, to whoop some asses. Maybe all I need is an ice cream or my bubu talking to me. I’ll be fine.

I’ll answer one question that people kept asking me today. The guy of my dreams, is dead. I don’t have an equation of THE ONE. I don’t have expectations. I just want the person I give my life to, to understand me without me explaining. Not to be possessive. Not to be over protective. Understand that I am free. And if I promised to pledge my self to you and only you on my wedding day, understand that I meant to keep it. And I wont cheat. So I should be free. Understand the fact that my friends are mostly guys, and I have reasons for it. Understand that we girls when we get together, we bitch. We bitch about everything from your socks to your dick. Everything. That’s girls. Understand that simple things in my life doesn’t revolve money but peace of my mind. Understand that I am an extremely sensitive soul, im a virgo for gods sake, and words will ruin me in a second. So hit me, but not utter acidic words. Understand that when im angry, just listen not fight back, I cool down really fast. And understand that I am not cute, in any way, I am not cute, and don’t intend to be. I just want him to be there when I get home, or I wanna wait for him to get back home and just sit and lay there and talk and talk and talk till we fall asleep on each other. Understand that I would love his family like my own and I except him to love and respect mine too. I want a guy who would understand family virtues, understand religion, not question harshly about them. I am very dominant, I want things my way all the time, but sometimes I do bend my head, I do listen, and for that one person I would give my life to, I would even take the oath of shutting up forever if he hated my voice. But all I want is simple things like understanding me. I hate alcoholics, I hate clubbers (sorry peeps) but I would even push that part off if he understood me. And once I swear to love him forever, I would never want to every hear about his girlfriends, cause they are over, gone and move on. and if he loved me, he should stop ranting about them,not talking about them more than talking about me, cause we girls tend to think that you’re comparing. Cant help it, we’re girls. We think like that. so see, I have expectations too huh., and way too many. See, leave this topic. I know I can go on and on. and I have found a guy who fitted this category. Moving on..

Im too frustrated to write anymore. Im gonna go lets see, wake utra at 2.19 am and force her to listen to me or maybe I should watch a movie, but picking up the book would be the hardest thing to do. Till then

somehow this sucks...the quality is really bad!!!!!!!!! gonna get somethings done..

this pic was taken during some bhangra nites in a club named sharara! so yeah! crazy nite!

geez, i just realized that i practically blogged only once here during the year of 2007...lol bad bad me..no wonder neel was being fussy hahahaha...
well firstly i lost my password and had to go thru a lot to get it back..and yes i rather blog here cause friendster sucks..hehehe well..yeah..im back..came home for holidays and actually leaving to russia in five days time..here's some very interesting photos i took during the hols..till then

Sitting here right at my faithful table as I gaze at the sun rising is really disheartening. I have been up since 3 am worrying about the results of my therapy paper which is out in exactly 3 hours. Call me a paranoid, but the anticipation of waiting for an exam result is what I really hate the most. How convinced you may be when you write an exam the anguish of waiting is killing
Someone told me yesterday that because of me, he wouldn’t fool around anymore. He said that I have thought him certain things that made him a diverse person in a whole. How can someone so baffled as such say that? It made me furious. And worst he said, I will definitely not be the one he’ll settle for life. What the fking hell is wrong with me? Well, I know I drove guilt right into his brain stem, but hell, that’s what every girl does? I’m such a wonderful friend, I must say. Sigh. And yes, he’ll remain confused. Somehow I think he should marry a supermodel or at least a white or wait, maybe someone as confused as he is.
Hanging around confused people is bad energy. You somehow tend to be equally perplexed. That’s when mom and dad come into the picture. To clear your mystification and to settle your problems. Somehow, my parents have been settling all my problems and worst I don’t even worry about them, I just leave the job to them. I do plan somehow to let my husband fret about my problems later on in life, and let my parents take a break. Such a good daughter I am.
Today, I cleaned my dried roses. I never throw flowers away. They are too precious, so I dry them carefully and then I hang them over the heater for the dampness to dry up and I arrange them around my room. But the dust that settles over them has been causing asthma attacks very frequently. And yet I don’t have the heart to even move them or throw them. Sometime its sucks to be rose maniac, I know
The past few weeks were agony. I was battling with myself if I was straight or not. I came to a finale that yes, im super straight, and am proud of it. As much as I want to be a lesbian, I can’t imagine having another pair of boobs on me. So yeah, I’ll just stick to some pigeon shaped hairy torso on me. Coming to think of it, too much hair is bad. Visualize you on that hairy chest and you find lice on it. Eww gross
My imagination is vivid. Sometimes it drives me nuts. I imagined how nice it would be to do an appendectomy and suturing it up with my initials. Don’t you think it would be cool? I’m kind of bored with the idea of straight stitching all the while, I think I’ll revolt. I’m going to be the first doctor to suture my initials. Yes
Mike told me yesterday about his dream house. He wanted white drapes everywhere, a sea side residence, a pool table and a nice cozy hall. When asked about his bedroom, he said it should be facing the sea, big gigantic window, sliding doors and the bed should be facing the sea. I dint think it was romantic. I told him, if tsunami were to hit, you would be laying on your bed and watching the waves come after you. He snapped into reality and gave me that look that said so clearly “damn you”.
I have been thinking about one thing for the past week. The toilets in
Russiadon’t have cover, as in seat covers. Maybe the reason is simple; every smart Russian here, climbs over the bowl to do their business, and every smart Malaysians laid their asses on that very same bowl. Think of the infections. Think of what they may have stepped on before they went to the toilet. Russians are disgusting and Malaysians are turning into them. Public toilets are much better off than the ones in my university. Whoever said that the ladies smelled worst than the gent’s toilets are so wrong. Try walking past the male toilet in KSMU. Enough said
I just came up with a poem two hours back so here it goes
Sitting here under the moon light, as I watch your curves
Wishing I could run my fingers thru your soft gentle sides,
Licking you slowly, bit by bit,
To relish every inch of you, would be a dream come true.
To hear you say, lick me, bite me, have a taste of me,
Would drive me insanely crazy and my knees go weak,
But I’ll try to control my lust for you
To take it gentle, as I plant my teeth into you
Your cream so sweet I crave for more,
The more I taste you the more I want you,
Who would have known, you could be this good,
Oh my coffee bean, chocolate cheese cake…
And yes, im so craving to have one bite of you now..ahh you perverts!
I think I’ll stop here for the day. I plan to clean my room, which was my preliminary plan since 3 am and now its 9 am. Ahh, 6 hours down the drain and I feel super good about it. Toodles

Well its four am, I haven’t started studying for my pediatrics test tomorrow and all im thinking about is to get married with adnan samy at the jiffy. Let me elucidate why. For starters he can sing, and when I say he can sing, I mean he can really sing. And hes super round and endearing, makes him cuddlier and I would not be worrying about which bolster would make me more contented. I have always wanted to marry someone receding and round but I guess I’ll settle with someone lean and a little hairy. As long as his beard doesn’t poke me when I kiss him and his hair doesn’t have an Amazon then im fine. Just visualize me picking lice of his chest! Go figure
Life has never been better. Chatting with him makes my heart skip a beat each time he calls me sayang. Early morning chats are beautiful. Starts the day well off and makes me smile thru out the day. What makes it lovelier is that the feeling is mutual. Its nice to hear him smile thru his voice. Geez im so crazy over him. Don’t catch me, just let me drown.
A poem made me smile today. It was deep. Was very sweet. And was true enough
BeautifulI’d give anything to see the sun set on the horizon…I’d do anything to gaze at a full moon in the night sky…Even a rainbow would make me smile…And I’d love to swim in crystal clear water…Of an untouched sea…
Sometimes I’ll see a shooting star….And try to gaze from afar…All the diamonds in the night skies…The mist on the mountains is simply breathtaking…As is walking in rainforest during rainy summer afternoons…..
To see cascading waterfalls I’d do anything for…As to stand on the highest peak in the world…And look at the sights below…I’d love to soar on wings above the clouds…Across the bluest skies…
I’d do anything to seeAll the beautiful things in the world….Like a red rose blooming in the
Sahara…Like a river twisting through a dusty land….All the beautiful things in the world….But I also know I am looking atThe world’s most beautiful creation…Every time your lips engrave a warm smile…And every time I look into your lovely eyes…..
i’ll end this here and get back to my attempt of studying. Its Saturday and it means its my time to actually sleep 18 hours a day, and yes, today is the voyage.

Ah, another entry on love and again, Remember the lines that go: And I'm aware...I'm in love but you don't care? Yep, you guessed it, my binding theme for this entry.
Honestly, I was quite hesitant to write about this because I feel quite strongly about the said lines. I didn't want to trash it or do it such vile injustice. But I also thought a lot of people would more or less relate to this topic because I guess at some point they had once "loved" a person who seemed to be utterly clueless and oblivious to the his or her affection. The one-sided phenomenon.
When you think you've fallen for someone, the only thing that seems to matter is for that person to approximately reciprocate the way you feel for him or her. You make that person like you. But sometimes that making-him-like-me process can be so excruciating! It's always a load of mind games and the over-analysis of things. Especially if you're like me who tends to shred everything into bits, every minute detail, nothing is spared. I view this so-called process as a challenge but sometimes, challenges aren't so fun anymore when the goal is too out of sight and out of reach. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the more you sink. It's standing on shaky ground, or in this case, no ground at all. No one's going to catch you. Maybe it's only for the stalwart-hearted and the strong-willed soul.
But in end, who enjoys pursuing someone who doesn't seem to give a damn? Who enjoys being hurt all too often? We reach a point where self-love enters the picture. We could choose to continue but we know we shouldn't. Maybe it's time to realize that not everything goes the way we it to regardless of how persistent we are.
I'm in love but you don't care. Maybe he does care. But not enough. Maybe he does find you wonderful and fun and nice. But not enough. And perhaps, he does like you. But not enough. It's not enough for him to let down his guard, to take a step closer. And knowing with all that was said, that nothing is enough, you should find in that enough reason to slowly let go. That you do deserve someone better. With love along with all its stupidity and beauty, there comes a point where you realize you don't want to listen to sad love songs, or watch drippy movies, or read schmaltzy stories, you want the real thing not a mere reflection of it. So there, it's time to stop. Stop not because you're hurting, not because you're sad, not because you're scared.BUT because YOU LOVE. More.

I woke up in the morning with terrible stomach ache. The pain was radiating to my back reaching out to my kidney. I assumed it was food poisoning since I was vomiting for the past 2 days and my temperature was irregular. I mumbled that I needed the toilet to raj and went to the loo. I was still having diarrhea and my stomach ache was worst each time I moved. I got ready for class and went there half dead. Thank god for the conference at the ENT department, I left feeling even more sick than usual. I took a bus to the university to get checked with the university doctor. After some palpation and percussion she said I might have appendicitis. I laughed at her and said ok. I told her I will wait till the pain gets worst. Then I went home, and tried to sleep. Rahul and Linda came over to the room, we talked and I kind of slept off I think. By the time it was 7 I went back to my hostel and I think due to the walking my pain got worst. By 9pm my pain was unbearable. The lower right quadrant of my abdomen was too painful even to touch. Utra called the ambulance, and the doctors came. My worst fears were right. It was appendicitis. I had to go in the hospital for some check ups. Prasant one of my classmates followed me and utra to the hospital. Firstly we went to the intestinal infections hospital to check if it’s any bowel disorders or maybe some infections. The results were negative. I again had to follow the ambulance to another hospital to the emergency department. There I was checked by a surgeon and he ordered me the ultrasound test, urine and blood test. The entire tests were positive for appendicitis. I was warded into ward 51 surgery departments. Everyone there either had tubes in and out of them or had just underwent surgery. After ten minutes, a very good looking doctor I must say came to me to confirm if it was appendicitis and told me I had to go in surgery right now. I was like NOW? And he said yes now, if I dint do it as soon as possible, it might lead to peritonitis. By this time raj and mike were already there. So I signed some papers then the nurse checked my blood group and I was shocked when I was told that there were no stretchers and I had to walk to the operation theater by myself. I was like, ok, I tried walking though it felt like I had this huge perforation in my stomach. To my horror, the operation theater was on the floor below which means walking downstairs. Well I did walk, manage to get into the theater and before going in, I had to strip of my clothes and was given just a cloth to cover me. I have to say here that the cloth actually felt like those sack cloth against my skin. The funniest thing was I even had to climb right on top of the operating table all my self. That was really funny. I was crying and laughing at the same time. At that moment somehow I was really wishing I wasn’t in Russia. I always told myself that I would never let my self under a knife of a Russian surgeon. I have watched lots of operations being done here and the results never looked good. I was draped, prepped, and I even watched them shave my tummy. The anesthesia was given thru IV since I had bronchial asthma and complications are to be avoided. The only thing I remember saying was my prayers and the last thing I said was da..to I don’t know what.

I woke up around six feeling so drowsy I couldn’t feel my hands and legs. I was so drowsy I remember telling myself the surgery is not done. Then I ran my fingers thru my abdomen and I was initially counting my stitches. 5 stitches for an appendectomy, what the fek. Such big cut. Then I knew surgery was over. Again I was shocked because there was no gauze covering the wound. I raised my head and tried looking at the wound, there was blood everywhere, all over my stomach, and there was yellow liquid oozing out my wound. Maybe to that horror, I just fell on my bed, not sure if I fainted or I dozed off.
I got to sit only after 24 hours of lying flat on bed. My dressing was done every three days, only after I bugged the doctor to change it. No medications were given, no antibiotics, no painkiller. I just usually fall asleep after crying out the pain. Well, im writing this after opening my stitches today. I’m kind of waiting for 3 o’clock for my medical certificate and then im home. I still can’t go for classes for another week. But im still excited to sleep on a bed which is more comfortable, to drink something hot, and to even wipe up myself. I miss the net like crazy. God knows how many mails I have. These 10 days in the hospital thought me a lot of life. Some very shocking truth about some people I know. I also learned that when someone doesn’t care they just don’t care. I also learned that no one here could be as sweet as raj and Michael, and these both wonderful guys will remain my bestest friend forever. So thank you to those who brought food for me in the hospital and who visited me. To nirshan, you’re always have a soft spot in my heart! Thanks again to everyone..

me and mom at the dining table
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ive grown so so fat i know sighhhhhhhhh
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i made this with colored rice during my house warming prayers
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again with aeriel...shes so cute aint she
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me and aeriel..the love of my life........
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happy birthday mike!!!!!
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rakesh, sharm,myself, desi, rahul,raj and mike the birthday boy!
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Well, the past few days has been really frustrating and annoying at the same time. Frustrating is not a problem but annoying thanks to some people around me. These are the moments I wishes I never knew such people. But coming to think of it, I think with some sense of gratefulness I take that back.
There is a song stuck in my head..agar tum mil jao from the movie zeher . I kind of like the tune and what I love most is the meaning of the song. The song starts with “ if I ever found you, I would leave this world”… I know it doesn’t make sense but yeah its good. This song kinda make me wonder. Would ever a guy do such a thing for someone he loves. Would a guy be so sweetly possesive with the one he truly loves? Would a guy really leave every thing he owns for the one he loves? Sounds too good to be true.
In relevant to this part, another question popped up in my head. What would a guy do if hes stuck between two relationship. One girl A whom he never broke up with and another girl B he claims to be truly in love with. But either way he cant break both the girls hearts. Isnt B a relationship breaker? Or is he just too dense to see whats right for him. Well, then again its none of my business.
Its such a funny thing when I heard a story from a close friend of mine. They have been dating for the past 9 months, they have been out only once in that period and when they are back in Malaysia, both of them are completely different people.
In a relationship I would expect total sincerity. You dated before, let me know, you slept with someone before let me know. It would be much easier than I finding out from a third party. BUT, when im involve with a guy, I expect his attention to be on me, and not other girls. I expect him to spend a little time with me instead of him trying to squeeze me into his busy schedule. I would expect him to think for himself instead of me thinking for him. I would expect him to invite me to a love movie playing in the cinemas instead of going with his other friends. I guess I just have too much expectations BUT if you cant agree to this simple rules in life then seriously you’re not my type.
You may be wondering why I just stated the above. Someone asked me what kinda guy I want in my life. So yeah that’s the story

I have a very interesting story to share. Its called the history of ROOM NO.9 hostel 1. It describes every singe roomate of mine, from the good ones to the thief. YES, THE THIEF. I lived for a year with a thief whom some people claimed to be the most innocent girl ever roamed earth.
that’s soon to come, I do plan to publish a book, I would be rich, everyone loves gossips!
Right, to neel, im doing fine here in Malaysia. So don’t worry much about me, please do take care of popo!
Till then people, im kinda tired blabbing now.

on micheals birthday, a small get together in mid valley
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its june 21st today and im really excited to get back home..looking at one of my lobby mate packing her stuff to leave tonite makes me sick. i want to be home to...well,its just the waiting part is hard...i cant wait that long! (im leaving next week)..well i did not sleep today....dont ask why...i slept 15 hours yesterday...i just dint have anything to do...so im online the whole nite...did my laundry, my washing my cleaning and im still not tired....was going thru my friendster account...i manage to surprisingly bump into a few of my classmates at school...kindda glad..well..am gonna go throw my self on bed...try to shut my eye...its 4 and its so freaking bright...urghhhhhh..good nite people!

myself
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rakesh with his new shoe
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friends from ryazan, rohan sohoni,amol khot,myself, anagha,vishal jasani and somnath parui
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sri lankan nite..mike,sheena,raj,rahul,myself and utra
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see no evil,speak no evil,hear no evil...rahul, myself and utra in my room
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Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work! But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner, Jenny said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "I really enjoyed my evening." she went on to say. "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Jenny said. "Charley was too tired."

i practically woke up really late today around 10.30 for my clss at 11. thank god i live in the uni compound so it was just 2 minutes walk to class. i took a brisk bath, a very fast one, got ready and headed for class. bumped into rahul, annoyed him as usual, believe me its fun, and then i prepared my self to face the most dreaded teacher in the hygiene department. I really hate him for my own reasons. class was over by 12.30, went to the cafe to grab something to bite, bumped into raj,desi,premila and rahul. came back to hostel with desi, premila and raj since it was raining. it has been raining since last night, a very good weather to sleep i must say. wonder if anyone actually studies in this weather. even now, im on my bed with laziness knocking in. They just left, and my stomach is really growling. friendster made some annoying changes, do check it out. i erm, plan to sleep now and wake up later and study. i do need to do some laundry later maybe might make some chapatis today. well thats all about my boring life here in kursk ahhh on a thursday. cant wait for the weekend where i can begin my sleeping marathon!

Okie, im back!! I know I took a long break from blogging and mailing. Thanks a lot for the kinship of keeping in touch. Neil yes, I have successfully passed my surgery paper long time back! Just dint have the time to tell you. Sorry. Well, let me see what’s exciting in my life. Yes, I had my clinical genetics cycle last week. It dint turn out as I anticipated, you know, scheming the progeny and stuff. I practically watched abortions everyday. The procedure was completely different; I have seen vacuum suction but not this. First the mother was draped, without anesthesia. She was 7 months pregnant, her baby had a cyst on her left kidney and the right kidney was completely not functioning. Then, the baby was traced to be crippled. Let’s see, ultrasound was done, found the heart, areas with amniotic fluid and then a huge needle was pierced into the abdomen to the amniotic fluid. Ok, I thought they were going to drain the fluid out, the amniotic fluid, I was wrong. They actually punctured the heart of the baby and were draining the blood out. I was turning blue I think, cause my classmates were looking at me. Eventually, everyone was turning blue. Then, for 13 times the amniotic fluid was drained out (absolutely) and was replaced by sodium chloride. I mean, the heart was still pounding slowly, and they are practically going to dehydrate the baby to death. Geez. After 24 hours, the mother delivers a still born baby. The idea of aborting a child after 5 months was really astounding. In Malaysia, as I know, no babies were aborted after such period of time. It would be treacherous for the mother, I suppose. I had this cycle for 6 days.
Well, right now, im with hygiene cycle. Not a heavy subject for sure. Im packaging up my semester very soon. Heading back to Malaysia on the 28th of June. My exams are around the corner, 3 papers, radiology, hygiene and operative surgery.
Raj and Mike was here today, updating some luscious secrets. Rahul was sweet enough to buy some mini pizzas and come over. I rearranged my room today. And now its 12.40am and yet I don’t have plans to stroke my book. Laziness knocking in, I do plan to sleep but I have some topics to cover, so do take care, I don’t promise to update my blog daily, but I’ll do it time to time, till then! Have fun

When you are together with that special someone,you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them... at that moment, you are in love.... Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone... then, you are in love.... Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet... you are desperately waiting for the call! at that moment, you are in love.... If you are much more excited for one short e- mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.... When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.... When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone... then, you are in love.... You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction... at that moment, you are in love.... While you are reading this page, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person....

Let me love you one day at a time...
and please love me the very same say. May we never learn all there is to know about love, but every day together will teach us a little more about ourselves and the special kind of happiness we can bring to each other. One of the best things you've helped me learn is that love starts with being honest, speaking straight from how we really feel. I like how we've opened doors and windows of our lives, and invited each other to come in, look around, and get acquainted. The more I'm with you, the more at home I feel.
Let me love you one day at a time...
Why talk about "always" and say things we're not sure we mean when we can talk about today and mean exactly what we say. Let's think of each sunrise as a fresh start, a brand new beginning... and try to fill each day with as much love as it can hold. I know you're not always going to be exactly the same person Sunday through Saturday, January through December, and neither am I. We both need laughing times and crying times... and time for every mood in between. The important thing is that you can be the kind of you that feels most natural and that I can be my most favorite kind of me. That's what makes us so comfortable together...It's also what keeps us from taking too much for granted.
Let me love you one day at a time...
Let's not wonder how long love will last but how beautiful we can make it grow. Let's give our best to each other, but let's never expect miracles of our love. There's no need to...The reality of you and me is better than all the impossible dreams and fantasies I've ever imagined. Being with you is feeling proud, blessed, grateful for each hour we share.
Let me love you one day at a time...
not according to any How-To book, or by someone else's set of rules... but simply for who you are and how you are with me. And please love me, not for what I might be molded into, but for what I am here and now. Don't expect me to be someone all good and all giving, someone who could never disappoint you... someone too right to be real and too perfect to be me. I'm just as human as anyone I know... and very thankful that you are, too. Let's try to remember that love means keeping in touch with each other's thoughts and feelings... listening not just to words, but to the emotions behind them... seeing, not just the smiles and frowns but the hurt and pleasures that cause them.
Let me love you one day at a time...starting today. Let's have the courage to try to change whatever needs changing about us, and wisdom to know what should never be changed. Believing in ourselves and in our ability to handle whatever tomorrow brings... and trusting that this love we share will continue to grow stronger as the future years unfold... One Beautiful Day at a Time.

Well guess whos back!!!!!!! Ive received tons of messages flooding my in box on my well being! Firstly im touched, so im here to let you people know that im fine really fine just tied down with work and lots and lots of smiles. So don’t worry much about me yeah. If u need my phone number again, message me on yahoo, I’ll pass it to you there yeah..till then take care…neil thanks a lot for da thought and kippu I owe u one for the advice, I took it and im happy.. love u

The only thing I feel around me is the feeling of being forlorn and it isn’t really something I like to feel. Today I learned that I was born alone and will live my life alone. I had a nice shower after trying out my home made wax. I again prefer to state here that it’s rather easier to stick to shaving. The guys had gone for their boys night get together and I thought it would be nice to spend some time with my girlfriends. I went over to Hilda and Linda’s room and sadly they weren’t really free. Hilda was with someone and Linda was out. Then I decided to get to a nearby room and I heard a girl’s voice o why bother him. I went over to many peoples room but everyone was spending their time with their special someone. I thought it would be good if I come home and spend my evening with the cat and I guess even he had someone else in mind. Sad I know, but that’s simply my life. I decided to pray, but then I had to stop because I knew I was getting no where. At this moment I miss home, miss home so very much. If only I was at home, my mom would at least be there for me. My dad would have been there to share his shoulders and so were my sisters. I miss Bianca there and hate her for not being there for me. I miss kippu for trying to be a Romanian and not at least replying my letters. I miss ashu for moving to Delhi and have no net service. I miss all of them and wish they were really near by to be here when I needed someone to really talk to right now. I was just wasting my phone credit on sms which wasn’t for the right person I think. I dint get any reply even from home. Guess every one was busy. I logged on line and it made me feel even worst. From 239 mails I had only one made sense. A mail from a very close friend that made me smile because he calls me K, made me wonder if that was my real name for a while. I used my table as my tabla and played along many songs to pass the evening. I had time to think about who was I once. I used to sing and play the tabla and that too without any teacher helping me out. I picked it up from a school cultural show and I had a friend who plays it really well so I decided to learn from him. I learned the veena too and was rather good. And now I am sitting here in Russia without any practice, without any hobby, without any interest except passing my exams. Call it PMS, but I doubt it. I found a grey hair today and that even made me sicker. I guess I should just call it a day. And yes, Neel, I do miss you too. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend.

Friday January 6, 2006

Not enough coconuts for Thaipusam

PENANG: Hindus wishing to break coconuts in conjunction with Thaipusam on Feb 11 may not be able to do it so lavishly this time around. It is learnt that the coconut harvest last month was poor due to the rainy season. Coconut wholesaler M. Joel Jeyachandran said the coconut supply from a plantation in Bagan Datoh, Perak, would be insufficient to meet demand during Thaipusam. “Now I only have about 5,000 coconuts at my shop and they are not enough to meet orders,” he said, adding that he sold about 100,000 coconuts during Thaipusam last year. He said the supply of coconuts had shrunk about 50% due to the high demand for the back-to-back Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Deepavali celebrations in November. Due to the poor harvest, some coconut traders in Penang had increased the price to RM1.40 a fruit, from 80 sen a few days ago. However, Joel Jeyachandran is still selling the coconuts at 70 sen each for fear of driving away his regular customers. “I have no intention to increase the price, which has remained for the past four years, due to competition among wholesalers, especially those in Seberang Prai,” he said. However for this Thaipusam, Joel Jeyachandran is planning to increase the price by 10 sen. “It still depends on the supply from the plantation,” he said. A. Anbarasan, 51, a wholesaler at Lorong Abu Siti here, said he estimated sales at about 20,000 coconuts for this Thaipusam, against 40,000 last year.

UK policy to reduce skills drain from Africa is ineffective
London Zosia Kmietowicz
The UK government’s policy of banning healthcare staff who are actively recruited from the world’s poorest countries from working in the NHS is unlikely to help achieve the goal of boosting the number of doctors and nurses in the developing world, says a development specialist.
Dr Lola Banjoko, chairwoman of the Africa-wide recruitment and employment agency Africa Recruit, believes that the code of practice, which aims to restrict recruitment of healthcare professionals from 150 developing countries is well meaning. But she says that the policy cannot work in isolation. “Trying to stop people from moving from one country to another for work is not practically workable and is an infringement of people’s human rights,” said Dr Banjoko. Africa Recruit aims to boost professional capacity throughout the continent.
Dr Banjoko called for an international strategy to tackle the drain of skills from developing countries.

source;bmj.com

UK policy to reduce skills drain from Africa is ineffective
London Zosia Kmietowicz
The UK government’s policy of banning healthcare staff who are actively recruited from the world’s poorest countries from working in the NHS is unlikely to help achieve the goal of boosting the number of doctors and nurses in the developing world, says a development specialist.
Dr Lola Banjoko, chairwoman of the Africa-wide recruitment and employment agency Africa Recruit, believes that the code of practice, which aims to restrict recruitment of healthcare professionals from 150 developing countries is well meaning. But she says that the policy cannot work in isolation. “Trying to stop people from moving from one country to another for work is not practically workable and is an infringement of people’s human rights,” said Dr Banjoko. Africa Recruit aims to boost professional capacity throughout the continent.
Dr Banjoko called for an international strategy to tackle the drain of skills from developing countries.

source;bmj.com

ChuckBy Gerard T. Brooker, Ed.D.

Chuck was in my high-school English honors class. He was a writer of great promise. So, when he told me he had been accepted into the journalism program at the University of Missouri, I wasn't surprised. During his freshman year at college, Chuck stopped by school a few times to keep me posted on his progress. We reminisced about our work together several years before. We had developed public service radio commercials to raise money for twenty-three sick and abandoned Cambodian babies who were being cared for by a nurse friend of mine in Thailand, a place far away yet close to our hearts. Chuck was instrumental by helping to raise several thousand dollars. It was an activity that in some ways transformed our formal relationship into a friendship. Whenever we got together on his visits, my spirits were always buoyed as he was filled with the joy of life. In his sophomore year, it was discovered Chuck had lung cancer and had only a short while to live. So he left school to come home to be near his loved ones. I went to see him one day, and in that mysterious way that some seriously ill people have, he reached into a deep place of his rich humanity and made us laugh for most of the afternoon. As I left him and hugged him good-bye, I felt confused and angry. There seemed to be no sense in what was happening. About six weeks later, Chuck died. It was a great loss for everyone, especially for his family. The youngest of nine children, Chuck was talented and full of promise. More importantly, he was a good and decent person, a just man. When I went to his funeral, his father asked to speak with me. He took me aside and told me that several weeks before, Chuck had asked him to go over his possessions and memorabilia with him so that he might select a few things to be buried in the coffin with him. He told me how bittersweet the assignment was. How his heart, the heart of a father, nearly burst with love and sadness. In the end, Chuck chose six items, including an essay he had written in my class some years before. He told me that Chuck had always kept the piece because he liked the message I had written to him at the bottom of the last page. In that little note, I affirmed his talent as a writer and I urged him to be responsible for the gift, to be committed to it as something special. That encouraging postscript would now go with Chuck across the great divide. I was touched and grateful for the extraordinary gift Chuck gave me that day. His wonderful gesture gave the teacher in me a vital insight, one that would change my life. His taking my reassuring note with him into eternity offered me a tremendous opportunity for impacting students' lives. I felt reenergized with a sense of purpose that was greater than ever. Whenever I forget my purpose, I think of Chuck, and I am reminded of it once again: Teachers have the power to affect hearts and minds for a long time. Some would even say for eternity.

well life has been rather hectic on my side with exams lurking around the corner. i have managed to give my internal med practicals with good results and in five hours time i shall be having my surgery practicals...so whats my plan for the rest of the day...i prefer to sleep!...till theen chiou bye end

7 DONt'S AFTER A MEAL------------------------------------------- * Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher). *Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before * Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest* Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked. * Don't bathe! - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach. { and sum POT's make a big fuss over this matter ;) } * Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake. * Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

mr. raj's new hair style heheh
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my class mates priya, amir,kumaran and selva
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Right its time for me to update my blog and yes yes to fill you people up with some luscious secrets and hot stories of my well, what can I say my astonishing life. Ok, lets make it look this way, I don’t have anything much to say. I have been in some sort of quandary as in such, why does it hurt so much when someone you love so very much just refuses to at least make an attempt to converse a little sweeter to you each day. Well, ok I don’t really want to clutter your head up. On the whole, I was under par since Monday, got my asthma attack thanks to myself for not listening to advice. I drenched myself after doing my laundry and washed the toilet. Well, this is when you actually would love to get down to your unsurpassed shoes and swear why the hell first hostel toilet is so $%^& large! I missed my path anat class but that was simple to cover up.

I logged on IRC today, just in the matter of keeping my channel breathing. The irony of it is just that, why keep a dead channel alive. Ok, let me make it look a little enhanced. I logged in to keep my ops. Yeah, better. Well, my sweetest friend was there good to see him, and I sort of got goaded seeing him flirt with his babe. For the past month, anyone who flirts in front of me, who tries their lovey dovey stuffs in front of me, seems to annoy me. Right, I'm not green-eyed, for sure, maybe I’m just hurt deep down but then again, it’s my quandary.

It’s good to sit feeling tenable in my own room. The past week had brought me and my roommate a little closer than we were before. It was fairly effortless to open up to her stuffs that I couldn’t untie to my closest aka best friend Raj. It felt a little lighter and kind of relieving. The past week also brought my colleagues closer. It’s for the good of everyone I should say.

Well, my ogle lids are piercing and my bed is singing a lullaby. Before I retire on the space where I am situated in, my desk, its better for me to crawl or maybe drag myself to bed. So, good nigh people and see you soon.

DRINK WATER WITH EMPTY STOMACHIt is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking upevery morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. Wepublish below a description of use of water for our readers. For oldand serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment hadbeen found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure forthe following diseases:Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy,excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningtitis, kidney and urinediseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhoea, piles, diabetes, constipation,all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose andthroat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160mlglasses of water
2 Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45minutes
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drinkanything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable todrink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking littlewater and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day
.6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick andothers can enjoy a healthy life.The following list gives the number of days of treatment required tocure main deseases:

1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days
2. Gastric - 10 days
3. Diabetes - 30 days
4. Constipation - 10 days
5. Cancer - 180 days
6. TB - 90 days

Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment for only 3 days. Inthe 1st week to be followed by daily treatment. This treatment methodhas no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you mayhave to urinate a few times.Try to convince all your friends to lead a healthier way of life.Good Health to you all...*

hey people for those who have signed the petition thanks a million for ur time and for those who havent pls pls do help the poor animals by signing the petition it wont take too long and pls pass it along your friends...

sign ur petition at http://www.catzmedia.com/spca/petitions/index.asp#friend
see these animals if u still think this petition is not worth it
http://www.sarawak.com.my/org/sspca/abused.html

it wont take long just do ur part,
maha

Petition to Prime Minister ~ Phase IIDear Animal Lovers and Advocates,As you may be aware, the SPCA started a petition to the prime minster to raise the cruelty fine from RM200 to a significantly higher fine of around RM10,000.00. The petition, which included the signatures of supporters, was supposed to be handed to the prime minister in October 2004. However, this has not happened, as we only managed to raise 20,000 signatures. Due to the insufficient number of signatures collected during the first phase of this petition, the SPCA is entering a second phase in hope to collect at least 100,000 signatures locally and internationally.Therefore, we are now entering a phase II stage of the petition whereby we would like you to join our effort for this cause. Please download the petition forms. Kindly photocopy it and distribute it for signatures to be collected. The more names we have, the better.Please ensure that those who have already signed the form during the first phase of the petition do not sign the petition again.All forms should be signed, signatures counted and returned to the SPCA by September 2006.We need your every support as we try our best to stop these cruel acts and t punish those who do injustice to these helpless animals. Let us work together to bring justice to these voiceless animals.On behalf of the animals, thank you very much for your support

me me me
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garfield the adopted cat
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me and biggy baby
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my roomates poodle biggy
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Dead man' comes to lifeINUPAMULA (NALGONDA DT):



An octogenarian, who was to be cremated in acouple of hours, `comes back to life and claims that he had been sentback to earth from Yamapuri following the orders of Yamadharmaraja, theking of the hell.'"He (Yama) was sporting a large moustache with curly ends but had a baldhead. He rebuked the two soldiers, who mistakenly took me to hell. Theydropped me at my home by a magic scooter,'' Malla Reddy, the old man,told The Hindu on Thursday.According to Kamalamma, Mr. Reddy's wife, she found him in comatose inthe early hours of July 8. A couple of villagers checked his pulse andbreathing and declared him dead.The body was placed on paddy straws and a light was lit at his head aspart of the funeral procedure. Mr. Reddy's two sons were informed of the`demise'of their father and the message was sent to their near and dear. As itwas raining, the cremation got delayed.After 20 hours of his `death,' Mr. Reddy woke up shocking and surprisingthe grieving relatives. Then he narrated how he was taken to hell by twosoldiers clad in knickers and his interaction with Yama. "The hall inwhich he (Yama) sat was full of shelves and long ledgers. He took one ofthe books and pulled up the soldiers for bringing the wrong person. Heordered them to drop me at my home," says Mr. Reddy.Villagers not surprisedVillagers express no doubts over Mr. Reddy's version as he is known forhis honesty. However, Muvva Rama Rao of Jana Vignana Vedika contendsthat elderly persons come back to life after being comatose for eight to10 hours.

There are few things more fearful and panic provoking than finding a lump or a change in your breast. Your immediate thought will probably be of cancer. Everyone reacts differently when this happens to her. Some will call their doctor at once, others might be afraid of confirming their fears and delay making an appointment.It is only normal for you to feel upset and fearful if you find a lump in your breast. But fear will not make the lump disappear. The earlier you find a lump in its development and the smaller it is, the greater the chance it is curable if it is cancer. Not all breast lumps are malignant. Only a doctor can accurately diagnose if a breast lump is benign (not cancerous) or malignant (cancerous). Do not try to diagnose it yourself.


BENIGN BREAST LUMPS

Breasts are made up of ducts, lobes, fibrous tissue, and underlying bone; therefore, they can feel lumpy or uneven. Before your menstrual period begins, and sometimes during your period, you can have some tenderness, pain, or lumps in your breasts. This could be due to the extra fluid that collects in the breast tissue (cyst) as well as changes in the body's hormonal levels. This is normal. But if the lumps do not disappear before your next period, contact your doctor as soon as possible.Any noticeable change, thickening or localized swelling in your breast that was not there before may be a lump. Eighty-five percent of all breast lumps found are benign. Some common benign breast problems that appear as lumps are: Cystic Disease (fibrocystic breast disease) is the most common cause of breast lumps in women. These lumps or cysts are fluid-filled sacs that enlarge and become tender and painful before the menstrual cycle. This condition is responsible for at least half of all breast biopsies performed. It tends to involve both breasts. These lumps are movable, and if large may feel round and firm. Cystic disease usually disappears after menopause. Lipomas develop as single, painless lumps. They can vary in size. Lipomas consist of fatty tissue and are commonly found elsewhere in the body. Fibroadenomas, single solid tumors, appear most often in young women. They occur twice as often in African American women as in others. These breast lumps are firm, rubbery, movable, often oval-shaped, and usually painless. Papillomas are small, wart-like growths in the lining of a mammary duct near the nipple. These can produce a bloody discharge of the nipple. Injury to the breast, or trauma, may result in blood accumulation (hematoma) or destruction of fatty tissue (fat necrosis). Both conditions can appear as lumps. Sometimes the skin around these areas appears red or bruised. No evidence exists that traumas can cause breast cancer. There are other, not as common benign breast lumps caused by a variety of breast problems such as sclerosing adenosis, etc.

i got this pictures from a forwarded mail...i went to the temple but cudnt see anyting :)
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Dear Friends,

Just wanna inform you guys.. there are something special going on in
this temple (Maha Mariamman Batu 14 beside the road side). Near the
statue of Amman there is a 15 Feet white snake sleeping beside her
since yesterday (05.09.2005) morning.

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the elephant show at the zoo
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me me on mah birthday
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my baby aerial with my mom
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me on my birthday :)
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okie thats a real snake, and yes i was in tears...snakes are yucks!
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me feeding the pony
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thulasi dass with the poney
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sigh the blur me..waiting for my pizza
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thats my baby aerial sleeping with a pillow
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hehehe just a note...IM ALIVE IM ALIVE

well...guess whats the function...HAPPY RAKSHA BANDHAN GUYS! muwahahahaa
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thats my baby aerial having fun in HER own pool
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ermmm...US citizens...just overlook this one okie.. this was taken in gentings!
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