Well it’s been days since actually logged on to the internet and browsed around. I am rather hushed these days. Everything seems to be against me and not only in real life; it’s rather the same on the virtual world too. Im sick of people, I seem to hate crowd and I find sleeping the best medicine to cure my seclusion and tediousness. NO, im not lonely or any sort of that, I have raj, mike and my gorgeous Garfield. This is the time I wished I was in Malaysia with my family. I miss my darling so very much and I hope he was here with me now.

Today, while taking the bus, I felt as if that today I was predestined to die. The feelings were so very real; I felt wintry chills around me. I knew something was so erroneous or something was to occur. I waited for the correct bus and got into the wrong bus. I still don’t know why I did that. In the bus I just felt that something was to happen and that actually sent shivers up my vertebrae. So I got down at the very next stop and took a taxi to my class which was located in a hospital which was very remote away. Getting into the taxi kind off reassured me I don’t really know why. The day went on fine.

I just don’t understand how people can be so mean and egocentric. I mean, what’s the use of being so selfish with notes and knowledge. That’s not the way my parents brought me up. Somehow I find most Malaysian as such. And im very sure many agrees with me at this point.

Someone told me acerbically to start trusting people at least a bit. That question seems to be haunting till now. I don’t get it. I have completely lost confidence on every single person in Kursk. I just can’t think of trusting anyone else than Mike and raj, who basically are the closest person to me in Kursk. Besides them I only trust the person I see in the mirror and that’s all.

Russian class was rather appealing today. We learned about the World War 2 and plus it was nice hearing the tales about Hitler and another guy, victor something. There was one like that sounded really nice, feel affection for your enemy and you’re the same as god. I started laughing. Maybe they should put those words all over the town especially in the University for People to read, but then again I don’t think its going to make any sense for these medical students who came here and lost themselves just to win the endurance here.

I miss my mother appallingly today, especially that mother’s day is just two days away and it’s the 4th year im away from home. I wish that I could just get a possibility to embrace her and kiss her, and MOM, I know you’re reading this, just wanted to tell you, that I really miss you, your hugs, your kisses, your cooking and if in anytime you feel a abrupt gentle wind around you, that’s me, sending you my kisses and love thru the air. I love u so very much and for every birth to come, I pray that you’ll be there.

Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are
Charles augustin sainte-beauve