I need some time away from IRC. I decided to relinquish yes, but for a while, till I sort my life out. Everything seems to be against me. My existence, my studies, my acquaintances, my classmates even the milieu. Each time I think of wearing a skirt it god damn rains. How much I endeavor nothing seems to turn out optimistic for me. People keep bitching about me either in actual or virtually. I don’t really know why. If I were to say that they’re desirous, I then question myself, what are they so jealous about? There’s no answer to any of my questions. I bring up these questions and I try to figure out my own answers. When I affirmed that I should leave IRC for while, I get a letter saying that maybe my access should be suspended or maybe I should be detached from the ops list. I don’t get it. I joined IRC for fun. Why did I get ops in the first place? Was it for Ashutosh? Or was it for the fact that I was merely a person fun to be hanging out with? I still don’t get it. Why in spite of everything, he left without any grounds, without any statements, asking back for his BNC which made no sense to me. For the past one week, I’ve been thinking and reflecting back about my past. Was it ever my blunder? Was I the one who invited my own problems? I was so naïve at that time. I lived life one day at a time. I dint care about the world. The world was my oyster. I had everything. Everything a girl can ask for. My youth was everything to me. But 4 years of my life went shattered for nuts. I suffered more than anyone can envision. Then I left my country to this cursed place. To run away from my predicament. To hide from my qualms. To achieve my ambition. And now I get this in return. Treachery. Right under my nose. I try my best to smile at my enemies. I help them I every way I can. Well today, I helped a blind man cross the road. And he in return said god bless you thank you. To me it meant a world. That was me. The old me. It’s been so many years since I helped a blind man cross the road. That was the missing me. I used to love charity. I would give my bus fares to the beggars and walk home. And yet I enjoyed the moment truly. I loved animals. I adored kids. I loved visits to the orphanage. But since I stepped here, everything vanished. These feelings, everything. Maybe it’s just me and im blaming everyone around me. Maybe I should think a little more positive these days. Maybe Maybe Maybe. Maybe this was never the place I was supposed to be. Maybe I was never meant to be a doctor. Maybe I was never supposed to meet certain people in my life. Maybe it’s just me….