found this from a forwarded mail...enjoy

5 golden rules for finding your life partner by Rabbi Dov Heller,

M.A.A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules forreviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing alife partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet,with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (inUSA), it appears that many are making serious mistakesin their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!If you ask most couples who are engaged why they'regetting married, they'll say: "We're in love." Ibelieve this is the #1 mistake people make when theydate. Choosing a life partner should never be based onlove.Though this may sound not politically correct, there'sa profound truth here. Love is not the basis forgetting married. Rather, love is the result of a goodmarriage. When the other ingredients are right, thenthe love will come.Let me say it again:You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on lovealone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions youmust ask yourself if you're serious about finding &keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this soimportant? Let me put it this way: If you're marriedfor 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live withsomeone. What do you plan to do with each other allthat time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need toshare something deeper & more meaningful. You need acommon life purpose. Two things can happen in amarriage. You can grow together, or you can growapart. 50 percent of the people out there are growingapart. To make a marriage work, you need to know whatyou want out of life - bottom line - & marry someonewho wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts withthis person? This question goes to the core of thequality of your relationship. Feeling safe means youcan communicate openly with this person. The basis ofhaving good communication is trust- i.e. trust that Iwon't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honestthoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines anabusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid toexpress your thoughts & feelings. Be honest withyourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionallysafe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is arefined & sensitive person.How can you test?Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personalgrowth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? Ateacher of mine defines a good person as "someone whois always striving to be good & do the right thing."So ask about your significant other:What do they do with their time? Is this personmaterialistic? Usually a materialistic person is notsomeone whose top priority is character refinement.There are essentially two types of people in theworld: People who are dedicated to personal growth &people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someonewhose goal in life is to be comfortable will putpersonal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. Youneed to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:How does he/she treat other people? The one mostimportant thing that makes any relationship work isthe ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability togive another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someonewho enjoys giving pleasure to others or are theywrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measurethis, think about the following: How do they treatpeople whom they do not have to be nice to, such aswaiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do theytreat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude &appreciation?If they don't have gratitude for the people who havegiven them everything, you cannot expect that they'llhave gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much forthem!Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone whogossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can besure that someone who treats others poorly, willeventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:Is there anything I'm hoping to change about thisperson after we're married? Too many people make themistake of marrying someone with the intention oftrying to "improve" them after they're married. As acolleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expectsomeone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" Ifyou cannot fully accept this person the way they arenow, then you are not ready to marry them. Inconclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult &treacherous. The key is to try leading a little morewith your head & less with your heart. It pays to beas objective as possible when you are dating, to besure to ask questions that will help you get to thekey issues.Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wakeup with a ring on your finger, you don't want to findyourself in trouble because you didn't do yourhomework.